Well, Cheryl was attractive, and athletic (They met at a health club, I believe ^_^), but, her folks were quite strict, apparently. I remember once, Joseph wanted Cheryl and I to go to Oakwood Lake (a waterpark in Northern California). We had a great time, and I was so happy, though I screwed up and forgot to put sunscreen on my back (Had a mild sunburn that peeled about two days afterward... :P), but, I enjoyed myself.)

However, it was not to last, as Cheryl was pressured by her parents not to see Joseph anymore. (I don't know the specifics about it, but I can almost draw up my own conclusions.) So, they broke up... Joseph felt bad, and I felt terrible, because that time at Oakwood Lake was one of the few times that I was really able to be comfortable around a woman. So, I wrote the poem for Joseph, and I was thinking of my own sadness at not being able to see Cheryl again as well. Who knows, if situations were a little different, perhaps I would have become friends with her... But, now, there is really nothing I can do.

From this poem, I learned that apparently I have a knack for writing really depressing stuff, and surprisingly enough, the depressing stuff turned out to be one of my best works. I read this in front of a group one time. I was trying so hard to keep from crying when I read it, and poor Joseph was so broken up when I was reading it... I hope you will find this poem enjoyable, and, who knows... It may stir up emotions in you, as it did in me when I wrote it.

I would say that the voice in the poem is neither entirely Joseph, nor entirely myself, but an amalgamation of the two, I doubt that at this point in my life that I would actually have the courage to actually voice the feelings that I put down on paper/text... Hell, I've never even had an actual relationship in my life, and, at this point, the outlook seems very bleak.

I have had feelings for certain women at times in my life, but, to this day, I can't discern if it was love, or pity... As for love, I feel that I am incapable of such, having had minimal social interaction during most of my life up to this point. I am making progress, however, and, for now, I would be content to have friends, of either sex, particularly a few close friends that I could do stuff with, and, perhaps trust with my innermost feelings...

We'll see what the new year brings...

(Status Report: This was written up around mid-December 1996. So far, I'm feeling better about myself, but I'm still unattatched, and I'm in no particularly hurry to change that... ^_^;)